hey guys
i haven't been on in soo long.
working to check all of your deviations, read all your journals, comments, etc.
but i think i'm gonna be on here more again.
i really am tryna get a subscription though, makes things so much easier.

the last few weeks have been a fucking roller coaster of emotions..
i set myself up for disaster once again.
still crashing. i don't know why i thought anything would ever be different.
haven't been sober in i couldn't even tell you how long..

i feel so restless. same old stalemate baby.

this shit is getting annoying.
so i'm going on an adventure. not gonna stop til i find that sparkle.
not gonna stop til i find something new.
even something new old. really just something good.
keep holding on to these ideals. holding on til you can convince me its all just another let down.

because i know better. i'm supposed to be stronger than all this.
i'm supposed to hold you all together. but you all keep falling apart on me. theres a few of you, you are my world. i cant have you all in pieces. i gotta mend things once and for all.
it's gotta be like the old days, i just don't know what to do, don't know where to start.
theres one of you i can't cut out of my life. even though i feel at this point i need to.
too much guilt.
yeah i guess it all gets to you after awhile.

i'll always be a little vague.
i'll always tell you what i'm thinking but not if i can't trust you. and even then there's some things i dont say.
you never ask the right goddamn questions.

too nostalgic for my own good sometimes..

sometimes i feel if we all got a vacation. all got away from this city. its always a love-hate relationship with philly.
maybe things would change a little. maybe we;d get some perspective.
then again these are all just ideals.

always always always contradicting myself backwards and forwards and three times over.

when you have two walking boxes of indecisions, you just get nowhere.
i need someone who's really down for the ride. i need that commitment, but i never ask it from the right people.

i'm gonna appreciate everything i have in my life right now.
down to the very bone of every insignificant moment.
i have so much to love, and even though a lot is missing, i'm trying to get my optimism back.
in the past the shit i've seen has only made me stronger.
so why should this all be any different.
but when you're here, in the moment, you never see it that way.

no regrets baby.

there is so much to see, to learn, so much culture to absorb.
so many experiences to still be had.


i wanna see the world before i die.