going to be posting a few things sooon
going to upload a newer deviant id right now

i just haven't had time, but there's a few photos i want to upload, and a drawing or two.
so make sure to check them out when i do!


hope everyone is doing amazing

and i am really looking forward to it..

suddenly i feel so strangely optimistic.
i am so grateful for what i do have in my life. always. but sometimes my optimism gets so faded. i really have to stop letting things get to me.
i know the past is the past. it needs to stop inserting itself into my dreams, haunting the corners of my mind.

this year went by so fast, and so much shit has happened. but i feel like this new years i have a better handle on things. i'm not so lost as i used to be. i'm a lot stronger. i have someone really good in my life now, i have something genuine and true. not just a fabrication of love, i've got the real thing. and just knowing that i have that makes each day so much better.

it was hard at first, but i will always believe this:
"the only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open."

i know that there will always be downs, real downs. but i have a good feeling. that if i can hold onto what i have no matter what, then everything will be alright.

i feel a lot of things are changing, but these changes aren't so frightening.



welcome to enlightenment.

i'll always be a little vague..
that is the only thing that never changes.


i am loving the new layout of the site,
yeah i'm late,
but i really do it's so much easier.


just felt like updating this here journal, basically.
nothing of great importance to be reported..



hope everyone is doing absolutely fantastic !

i haven't been on here in forever.
shits been kinda crazy.

my apologies dolls !


i'm trying to get a subscription,
so i can use this site without all the aggravation and ads
because my computer is slow and fucky
so hopefully i'll do that soon.

but in the mean time
i'll still submit stuff
and check as many deviations out as i can.


i reread my last journal,
and i realize i have learned a lot since then.


hope all of you are doing well
hang in there and stay gorgeous

hey guys
i haven't been on in soo long.
working to check all of your deviations, read all your journals, comments, etc.
but i think i'm gonna be on here more again.
i really am tryna get a subscription though, makes things so much easier.

the last few weeks have been a fucking roller coaster of emotions..
i set myself up for disaster once again.
still crashing. i don't know why i thought anything would ever be different.
haven't been sober in i couldn't even tell you how long..

i feel so restless. same old stalemate baby.

this shit is getting annoying.
so i'm going on an adventure. not gonna stop til i find that sparkle.
not gonna stop til i find something new.
even something new old. really just something good.
keep holding on to these ideals. holding on til you can convince me its all just another let down.

because i know better. i'm supposed to be stronger than all this.
i'm supposed to hold you all together. but you all keep falling apart on me. theres a few of you, you are my world. i cant have you all in pieces. i gotta mend things once and for all.
it's gotta be like the old days, i just don't know what to do, don't know where to start.
theres one of you i can't cut out of my life. even though i feel at this point i need to.
too much guilt.
yeah i guess it all gets to you after awhile.

i'll always be a little vague.
i'll always tell you what i'm thinking but not if i can't trust you. and even then there's some things i dont say.
you never ask the right goddamn questions.

too nostalgic for my own good sometimes..

sometimes i feel if we all got a vacation. all got away from this city. its always a love-hate relationship with philly.
maybe things would change a little. maybe we;d get some perspective.
then again these are all just ideals.

always always always contradicting myself backwards and forwards and three times over.

when you have two walking boxes of indecisions, you just get nowhere.
i need someone who's really down for the ride. i need that commitment, but i never ask it from the right people.

i'm gonna appreciate everything i have in my life right now.
down to the very bone of every insignificant moment.
i have so much to love, and even though a lot is missing, i'm trying to get my optimism back.
in the past the shit i've seen has only made me stronger.
so why should this all be any different.
but when you're here, in the moment, you never see it that way.

no regrets baby.

there is so much to see, to learn, so much culture to absorb.
so many experiences to still be had.


i wanna see the world before i die.